If Only

If Only



I can only look across the room at you and sigh dreamily, like the many others who fawn over you and bend over backward just to please you. However I am not able to do so, as your attention had never, even by accident, strayed away to rest on my lowly person. I do not wear my heart on my sleeve. It is too vulnerable where it is now, just sitting in my eyes as I observe you from afar. Infatuation has nothing to do with these feelings I have. I know the difference between it and love. I am certain that the latter is what I now experience.

I know you would never love or even spare a glance at a ‘local’ school girl such as myself. That would be too much to ask for. Even in my dreams you just pass me by, only giving me the opportunity to be graced with a smile that you direct to another. It saddens me, but I am comforted in the knowledge that you are happy. Deep within I still have a hope that you would come to like me, if not love. Should choose to love me, I will be more than happy to take and treasure your affections, never taking them for granted.

I know by the way you carry yourself, that you would not waste your precious time on me, preferring to be with the popular girls and boys on your high chair. However, even if it is for all eternity I will remain a shadow among many, admiring you at a distance from a place so near. My dreams of finding true love had finally come true. My world had been shifted beneath my feet and I can proudly claim that I am on cloud nine. But alas, my dream of having my love returned, had been crushed mercilessly by my lack of your attention, of your smile, your sweet voice.

And now, I can only look across the room at you and sigh dreamily, like the many others who fawn over you and bend over backward just to please you. I can only dream of your smile that can never be directed at me even on the subconscious plane. I can be nothing but a shadow left on the ground behind you as you grace the earth with your presence. You leave me only with a dream, you see. You leave me with dwindling hope, and the possibility of it turning into burning despair. You have me wondering about different instances of what could be should we even have a snowball’s chance in hell.

If only we met when you first came here. We could have been friends, maybe. If only I was popular. We may have been able to hold a conversation without me having to look anywhere else but your lovely face. If only you would spare me a glance. Spare me a word or even a grimace. If only you would just notice me, take note of my existence.

If only…